.marius rANTing away

They once said in America that a black man would be president when pigs fly. His first 100 days and wham!! Pig’s flu!

So these two very decent canibals were sitting down for dinner, and eating a clown.
A bit of salt here, a dash of pepper there, you get the idea.
At a certain point, one of them says:
- Dude… Does this taste funny to you?!

Sandu, care nu se dezice niciodata de la bancuri bune… rare, da bune!
Dupa multa vreme, Popescu isi scoate nevasta la restaurant.. Cand isi lasa pardesiele, garderobiera zambeste:
– Buna seara, domnule Popescu!
Nevasta il interogheaza imediat:
– De unde te stie asta!? Tu ai mai fost aici fara mine!
– Nu, draga, a fost femeie de serviciu la noi [...]

De duminica noaptea incoace am inceput sa dorm aiurea… o fi primavara care si-a intrat in drepturi, luna plina, lipsa vitaminei H [WTF is that?! ], nu mi-am putut da seama pana azi, dar stiu sigur ca tot visam, si visam, si visam, si nu mai stiu ce visam  atat de inversunat incat sa nu [...]

O femeie la vreo 30 ani, dupa ce si-a rezolvat treburile in resedinta de judet voia sa ajunga acum acasa si nu mai avea bani. 
Se apropie de un taximetrist si ii spune: 
- Uite tre’ s-ajung si eu in Trescovenii de Sus, dar nu am bani. Cum ajungem acolo ne socotim noi. 
- Bine, las’ ca ne [...]

Bubba’s sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident.
She falls into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins – a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your [...]

… S-a inecat Pinocchio…

[via Andreea J. from TheNextWeb]

Un tip zboara cu balonul admirand peisajul rural pe care-l survoleaza. La un moment dat isi da seama ca s-a ratacit si observand un om dedesubt coboara balonul sa-l intrebe unde se afla.
-       “Nu te supara, am si eu nevoie de ajutorul tau. Trebuie sa ma intalnesc cu un prieten intr-o jumatate de ora si [...]

[via Rares Popeia]
Chinese family of 5, named Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu decided to immigrate
To the United States.In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their
names to American standards:
Chu became Chuck
Bu became Buck
Hu became Huck.
Fu and Su decided to stay in China.