Digg goes 404…

Imi citeam readerul si eu ca tot omul, si mi-am dat seama ca a cazut Digg-ul…

digg_404

Tocmai vroiam sa bag un procent aici despre care sa spun ca nu o sa inteleaga gluma de mai sus, dar habar nu am care e procentajul de oameni “tehnici” care imi citesc blogul si care e cel de oameni mai putin tehnici care fac acelasi lucru cu blogul meu (sa va fie rusine pentru ca faceti chestii cu blogul meu! ATAT!)

Imaginea cu “Digg – 404” este explicata fenomenal de reclama de mai jos…

Eu am ras in hohote cand am vazut reclama, si cand i-am dat play a doua oara, si a treia oara azi… inca mai rad cand ma gandesc la ea. Voi?

[joke] Banc cu pesti

Iarnă grea… Cică era un pescar fanatic. Şi de fanatic ce era se duce el într-o zi la pescuit, deşi era mult sub zero grade. Scoate tîrnăcopul să dea o copcă, după care-şi aruncă sculele în apă. Stă el ce stă şi deodată aude o voce groasă din spate:
– Aici nu este peşte!
Cînd aude, pescarul îşi extrage undiţele şi se mută mai încolo… tot nu mişcă. După o vreme, aude iarăşi vocea:
– Aici nu se află peşte!
Tipul, supărat, se mută din nou, sparge gheaţa şi şade. Din nou, în spatele lui, vocea:
– Aici nu vei găsi peşte!
Enervat, pescarul se-ntoarce şi grăieşte:
– Da’ cine pizda mă-tii eşti tu, bă, de-mi tot sperii norocul?
– Eu sînt directorul patinoarului!

[via Papuc]

Detectorul de minciuni…

Un om se întoarce de la serviciu cu un robot detector de minciuni. Fiul său de 12 ani vine de la școala cu 2 ore mai târziu decât normal.
– Unde ai fost până acum? întreabă tatăl.
– La bibliotecă, să pregătesc un referat. Robotul se îndreaptă spre el și paf! Îi trage o palmă… Tatăl explică:
– Dragul meu, acest robot este detector de minciuni! Ai face mai bine să-mi zici adevărul!
– Ok, am fost la un prieten și ne-am uitat la un film: Cele 10 porunci.
Iar paf!, robotul îi mai trage una…
– Aoleoooo! bineee! de fapt, era un film porno…
Tatăl:
– Sa-ți fie rușine! La vârsta ta, nu-mi mințeam niciodată părinții!
Paf! Robotul îi trage una tatălui
Mama apare și ea și spune:
– Se vede că-i fi-tu…
Paf! Robotul îi trage o palma mamei…

[via Marcel]

***

Later Edit:
Am trimis bancul și pe o listă internă de discuții din firmă, și după câteva minute, o invitație la bere pentru echipă, tot în română. Un coleg, din Noua Zeelandă, care evident nu vorbește română, răspunde la invitația la bere:

Sună foarte bine, am vrea să adere la tine. Din păcate, am să stau acasă şi mă uit după mea de capră … dar sper ca va bucura de toate singuri 🙂

— Gareth

Omul e genial, și în loc să comenteze că trimitem mailuri în română pe o listă unde ar trebui să ajungă mailuri în engleză, încearcă să înțeleagă despre ce este vorba, și folosește Google Translate.

M-am simțit imediat și mi-am cerut scuze că am trimis mailul în română, și era doar o invitație la bere, la care el răspunde:

Yeah, I gathered that much (beer in Le General)… do wish I could join you. There’s just the small matter of distance involved 🙁 And I was just kidding about the goat 😉

Google translate is actually surprisingly useable sometimes. The story about the robot that “bang! grab him mother…” I’m completely confused by, however…

–Gareth

Ca să nu vă stresez prea tare, mai jos aveți bancul tradus cu Google Translate…

A man returning from work with a robot lie detector. Son of 12 years comes from school 2 hours later than normal.
– Where were you before? asks the father.
– At the library, to prepare a report. The robot is heading towards it, and bang! He mug … Father explains:
– My dear, this robot is the lie detector! You better tell me the truth!
– Okay, I was a friend and we watched a movie: The 10 Commandments.
And bang! Robot longer pull a …
– Aoleoooo! bineee! actually was a porno movie …
Father:
– For shame! At your age, I never mind parents!
Bang! Draw a robot its father
And her mother appears and says:
– He sees them as-you …
bang ! Robot mug him mother…

Geek joke

A c-string walks into a bar. It says to the bartender,
“Can I have a beer and some fadsh543%$%lkjfdslfj/bin/sh”.
The bartender turns and says:
Welcome root, You’ve got mail

Via Bibi, care a auzit-o de la Eti. Bibi, ai inteles-o?

Later Edit:

Si cum tocmai a aparut o simpatica vulnerabilitate de dd-wrt, si eu am dd-wrt acasa, am reusit sa il sparg…

Chestia se potriveste de minune cu gluma de mai sus din pacate…

marius-perijocs-macbook:ddwrt mariusperijoc$ nc 192.168.1.1 5555
id
uid=0(root) gid=0(root)
whoami
root
ps ax
BusyBox v1.11.1 (2008-07-27 16:09:08 CEST) multi-call binary

Usage: ps

ps
PID USER       VSZ STAT COMMAND
1 root      1172 S    /sbin/init noinitrd
2 root         0 SW   [keventd]
3 root         0 RWN  [ksoftirqd_CPU0]
4 root         0 SW   [kswapd]
5 root         0 SW   [bdflush]
6 root         0 SW   [kupdated]
10 root         0 SW   [mtdblockd]
14 root      1184 S    /sbin/watchdog
85 root      1164 S    resetbutton
129 root      1844 S    httpd -p 80
131 root       812 S    dnsmasq –conf-file=/tmp/dnsmasq.conf
230 root       700 S    cron
236 root      1532 S    dropbear -b /tmp/loginprompt -r /tmp/root/.ssh/ssh_ho
260 root      1164 S    process_monitor
380 root      1168 S    upnp -D -L br0 -W vlan1 -I 60 -A 180
482 root      1164 S    /sbin/wland
487 root      1168 S    ttraff
540 root         0 Z    [schedulerb.star]
544 root         0 Z    [wdswatchdog.sta]
759 root      1108 S    sh -c /tmp/exec.tmp>/tmp/shellout.asp
760 root      1104 S    /bin/sh /tmp/exec.tmp
762 root      1104 S    /bin/sh
768 root      1108 R    ps
^C
marius-perijocs-macbook:ddwrt mariusperijoc$

PS: L-am patchuit, deci nu va stresati, dar daca aveti prieteni cu dd-wrt’uri, anuntul oficial e undeva pe aici si fixul e aici.

Unde te grabesti doamna?

Culmea nesimtirii: Sa impingi o baba pe scari si sa o intrebi de ce se grabeste…

Ma chinui zilele trecute sa urc intr-un 32 arhiplin, reusesc pana la urma, si mai aveam loc exact cat sa imi intorc capul si sa intind biletul cuiva sa mi-l composteze. Evident ca toti pensionarii erau in autobuz, si cand zic toti, ma refer la aproape TOTI, si evident cei care nu au prins loc pe scaune, stau buluciti langa usi. 

Rezolv cu biletul, imi bag inapoi castile in urechi si pe cai voinicii mei! 

In Piata Cipariu, o cohorta mare de oameni (restul pensionarilor pana la TOTI si cativa corporate people)  asteptau 32’ul. Ajunge autobuzul, isi dau oamenii seama ca nu e loc, si stau sa il astepte pe urmatorul. La usa din fata, unde eram comprimat eu ca o sardina, o babuta se impinge, da din coate si se chinuie sa urce. Ma uit in spate, rog oamenii sa mearga 2 – 3 centimetrii mai incolo, reusesc sa ma misc, suie si babuta si tot bodoganeste acolo. Castile inapoi in urechi, asteptam urmatoarea statie, punctul terminus pentru mine. Nu va explic ca am stat pe varfuri ca sa incap. 

Ajungem la statia mea, smulg o casca din ureche, ma uit la babuta:

– Ma scuzati, coborati? 

– NU! 

– Imi dati voie mie sa cobor?

– Pai de ce sa iti dau voie? Tu m-ai lasat pe mine sa urc?!

– Atunci nu imi dati voie, stati linistita, va imping eu! 

A privit o clipa in gol, apoi ar fi trebuit sa vedeti cu ce viteza si agilitate de felina a sarit babuta jos. Nu, nu am impins-o, si nu, nu stiu ce a mai zis ca mi-am infundat iar castile in urechi… 

Am fost mare magar?! tare mult vreau sa cred ca nu…

Clown Joke…

So these two very decent canibals were sitting down for dinner, and eating a clown.

A bit of salt here, a dash of pepper there, you get the idea.

At a certain point, one of them says:

– Dude… Does this taste funny to you?!

Si bancul zilei

O femeie la vreo 30 ani, dupa ce si-a rezolvat treburile in resedinta de judet voia sa ajunga acum acasa si nu mai avea bani. 
Se apropie de un taximetrist si ii spune: 
– Uite tre’ s-ajung si eu in Trescovenii de Sus, dar nu am bani. Cum ajungem acolo ne socotim noi. 
– Bine, las’ ca ne socotim noi pe drum!, zice taximetristul.
Dupa vreo ora, taximetristul opreste  pe un camp, ia o patura din portbagaj si o asterne pe iarba. Femeia ingrijorata ii zice:
– Vai dar nu pot, sunt maritata, am acasa doi copii! 
– Si ce? Si eu sunt insurat, am femeie, am copii, dar am si 40 de iepuri de hranit, asa ca taci si rupe iarba!

Tech Support Pricing

Copied from Justin R. Erenkrantz / Tech Support Price Guide

Tech Support Pricing Structure

Regular (as it were) Prices for Technical Support/System Administration:

Calling me with a question $10
Calling me with a stupid question $20
Calling me with a stupid question you can’t quite articulate $30
Implying I’m incompetant because I can’t interpret your inarticulate problem description $1000+punitive damages
Questions received via phone without first trying help desk $10.00
Questions where answer is in TFM $10.00 +
Questions during Xpilot session $20.00
Calling me back with the same problem *after* I fix it once $100
Insisting that you’re not breaking the software, the problem is on my end somehow $200
Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem $5/step
Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem $50/mile+gas
If you interrupt me while I was reading news $25/hr
If you interrupt me while I was trying to count all the xroaches on my screen $35/hr
If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else’s problem $45/hr
If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now $50/hr
If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it $60/hr
If you’ve come to ask me why something isn’t working that I’m currently working on $70/hr
If you’re asking me to fix something I fixed for you yesterday $75/hr
If you’re asking me to fix something I told you I fixed yesterday, but never did fix $85/hr
If you’re asking me to fix a quick patch that I made that didn’t work $95/hr
If you’re bugging me while there’s another admin in the room who could have done it for you $150/hr
Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately after hanging up the phone $1500.00
Calling up with a problem which “everybody” in the office is having and which is “stopping all work.” Not being there when I rush over to look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it. $1700.00
Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it’s your personal machine at home $500.00
Self-diagnosing your problem and informing me what to do $150.00
Having me bail you out when you perform your own repairs I told you not to do $300.00
Not telling all of your co-workers about it $850.00
Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive $50.00
BEFORE I order your replacement hard drive $250.00
Fixing your “broken” mouse with a mousepad $25.00
Fixing your “broken” optical mouse by rotating the mousepad 90 degrees $35.00
Fixing a “broken” mouse by cleaning the rollers $50.00
Fixing your “broken” printer with an ink/toner cartridge $35.00
Fixing your “broken” ANYTHING with the power button $250.00
Fixing the “crashed” system by turning the external disk back on $200.00
Fixing the “hung” systemby plugging the ethernet transciver back in $375.00
Fixing the crashed nameserver by plugging back in the SCSI cord someone accidentially yanked out on Friday afternoon when the ‘real’ sysadmin has just left for a two week vacation $400
Visiting your old university and fixing the broken PC by plugging the monitor lead back in $50
Explaining that you can’t log in to some server because you don’t have an account there $10
Explaining that you don’t have an account on the machine you used to have an account on because you used it to try to break into the above server $500
Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger $25
Changing memory partitions without informing me first $50
Installing programs without informing me /getting permission first $100
Technical support for the above programs $150/hr
Spilling coke on keyboard $25 plus cost of keyboard
Spilling coke on monitor $50 plus cost of monitor
Spilling coke on CPU $200 plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly rate of $150 per hour spent reinstalling the system
Leaving files on desktop $5 per file, $10 per day the file is left unclaimed
Cleaning the mouse with spit and sleeve $50 plus cost of sleeve plus cost of therapy 🙂
Bringing in your own copy of the original Norton Utilities v1.0 to fix a brand new machine $200
Chewing on the end of the graphic tablet stylus $25
Putting feet up next to workstation after ten mile jog through NYC streets $50
Spending 30 minutes trying to figureout what your problem is, and another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say… “So that’s what the little box that popped up on my screen was telling me; to do!” $40
Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to see if you are plugged into the network jack, hearing yes, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, “Oops. Nevermind.” $35 (including discount for polite apology)
Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software $25
Dealing with “How can I get another copy of [obviously pirated software]? Mine just died.” requests $45
Having to use the “We’re really not the best people to talk to about that; why don’t you try calling the number on the box in which you bought it?” line $55
Actually needing to explain copyright law to you after you failed to get the hint in the previous response $95 (includes instructions for getting freeware replacements from the public file server)
Having to point out anything that’s on the wall in a typeface larger than 18 points $15
If I wrote the sign $45
If it’s in a 144 point font and taped to the side of the monitor facing the door $75
Reporting slow connection by passenger pigeon packets to MPEG archive in Outer Slobavia as a Mosaic/Netscape/Gopher/FTP client problem $25.00
Reporting it more than once $50.00
Reporting it more than once and implying slothfullness on tech support’s inability to solve problem $200.00

Beeper Prices:

Beeping me when I’m out with the significant other $50
Beeping me when I’m out of town and I took pains to insure that help files were left all over and that diagnostics had been run on all machines before I left $100
Beeping me more than once to tell me that the printer’s offline and the fix is to press the On Line button $200
Beeping me more than once while I’m asleep $50 per beep
Beeping me and not identifying yourself within the first 5 seconds – $25
Beeping me and then changing your story / denying you placed the call / hoped I would forget who caused the problem $500

Special Rates:

Dealing with user body odor $75.00/hour
Dealing with user not familiar with the primary language spoken at site $50.00/hour
Dealing with user who is (self-proclaimed) smarter than you are, but still calls every other day for help $100.00/hour
Dealing with computer hobbiests $125.00/hour

Questioning the other prices ……….. $50