Tech Support Pricing

Copied from Justin R. Erenkrantz / Tech Support Price Guide

Tech Support Pricing Structure

Regular (as it were) Prices for Technical Support/System Administration:

Calling me with a question $10
Calling me with a stupid question $20
Calling me with a stupid question you can’t quite articulate $30
Implying I’m incompetant because I can’t interpret your inarticulate problem description $1000+punitive damages
Questions received via phone without first trying help desk $10.00
Questions where answer is in TFM $10.00 +
Questions during Xpilot session $20.00
Calling me back with the same problem *after* I fix it once $100
Insisting that you’re not breaking the software, the problem is on my end somehow $200
Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem $5/step
Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem $50/mile+gas
If you interrupt me while I was reading news $25/hr
If you interrupt me while I was trying to count all the xroaches on my screen $35/hr
If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else’s problem $45/hr
If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now $50/hr
If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it $60/hr
If you’ve come to ask me why something isn’t working that I’m currently working on $70/hr
If you’re asking me to fix something I fixed for you yesterday $75/hr
If you’re asking me to fix something I told you I fixed yesterday, but never did fix $85/hr
If you’re asking me to fix a quick patch that I made that didn’t work $95/hr
If you’re bugging me while there’s another admin in the room who could have done it for you $150/hr
Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately after hanging up the phone $1500.00
Calling up with a problem which “everybody” in the office is having and which is “stopping all work.” Not being there when I rush over to look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it. $1700.00
Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it’s your personal machine at home $500.00
Self-diagnosing your problem and informing me what to do $150.00
Having me bail you out when you perform your own repairs I told you not to do $300.00
Not telling all of your co-workers about it $850.00
Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive $50.00
BEFORE I order your replacement hard drive $250.00
Fixing your “broken” mouse with a mousepad $25.00
Fixing your “broken” optical mouse by rotating the mousepad 90 degrees $35.00
Fixing a “broken” mouse by cleaning the rollers $50.00
Fixing your “broken” printer with an ink/toner cartridge $35.00
Fixing your “broken” ANYTHING with the power button $250.00
Fixing the “crashed” system by turning the external disk back on $200.00
Fixing the “hung” systemby plugging the ethernet transciver back in $375.00
Fixing the crashed nameserver by plugging back in the SCSI cord someone accidentially yanked out on Friday afternoon when the ‘real’ sysadmin has just left for a two week vacation $400
Visiting your old university and fixing the broken PC by plugging the monitor lead back in $50
Explaining that you can’t log in to some server because you don’t have an account there $10
Explaining that you don’t have an account on the machine you used to have an account on because you used it to try to break into the above server $500
Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger $25
Changing memory partitions without informing me first $50
Installing programs without informing me /getting permission first $100
Technical support for the above programs $150/hr
Spilling coke on keyboard $25 plus cost of keyboard
Spilling coke on monitor $50 plus cost of monitor
Spilling coke on CPU $200 plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly rate of $150 per hour spent reinstalling the system
Leaving files on desktop $5 per file, $10 per day the file is left unclaimed
Cleaning the mouse with spit and sleeve $50 plus cost of sleeve plus cost of therapy 🙂
Bringing in your own copy of the original Norton Utilities v1.0 to fix a brand new machine $200
Chewing on the end of the graphic tablet stylus $25
Putting feet up next to workstation after ten mile jog through NYC streets $50
Spending 30 minutes trying to figureout what your problem is, and another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say… “So that’s what the little box that popped up on my screen was telling me; to do!” $40
Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to see if you are plugged into the network jack, hearing yes, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, “Oops. Nevermind.” $35 (including discount for polite apology)
Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software $25
Dealing with “How can I get another copy of [obviously pirated software]? Mine just died.” requests $45
Having to use the “We’re really not the best people to talk to about that; why don’t you try calling the number on the box in which you bought it?” line $55
Actually needing to explain copyright law to you after you failed to get the hint in the previous response $95 (includes instructions for getting freeware replacements from the public file server)
Having to point out anything that’s on the wall in a typeface larger than 18 points $15
If I wrote the sign $45
If it’s in a 144 point font and taped to the side of the monitor facing the door $75
Reporting slow connection by passenger pigeon packets to MPEG archive in Outer Slobavia as a Mosaic/Netscape/Gopher/FTP client problem $25.00
Reporting it more than once $50.00
Reporting it more than once and implying slothfullness on tech support’s inability to solve problem $200.00

Beeper Prices:

Beeping me when I’m out with the significant other $50
Beeping me when I’m out of town and I took pains to insure that help files were left all over and that diagnostics had been run on all machines before I left $100
Beeping me more than once to tell me that the printer’s offline and the fix is to press the On Line button $200
Beeping me more than once while I’m asleep $50 per beep
Beeping me and not identifying yourself within the first 5 seconds – $25
Beeping me and then changing your story / denying you placed the call / hoped I would forget who caused the problem $500

Special Rates:

Dealing with user body odor $75.00/hour
Dealing with user not familiar with the primary language spoken at site $50.00/hour
Dealing with user who is (self-proclaimed) smarter than you are, but still calls every other day for help $100.00/hour
Dealing with computer hobbiests $125.00/hour

Questioning the other prices ……….. $50

Bucatarie, restaurante, vinuri si trabucuri

Azinoapte stateam si aruncam cate o geana pe twitter si Andrei Crivat n-avea somn. Se anunta ceva interesant, si dimineata, mi-a lasat gura apa cu chestia interesanta. Daca pana acum ii citeam aventurile gastronomice la el pe blog, si nu indrazneam sa ma apropiu de ele, ca deh, nu mi-s eu cine stie ce bucatar, a facut o rubrica pentru amatori pe proaspatul site lansat eBucataria.ro. Un mare KUDOS pentru ce a facut acolo: are sectiune pentru amatori, sectiune pentru profesionisti, sectiune de vinuri si sectiune de trabucuri. Deja am pus ochii pe o reteta, si cred ca zilele astea o sa performez pe aici.  Ah, o sa fie si concursuri! Eu ma gandesc ca ar fi o idee sa adauge si niste bannere, pe care sa le poata lua oamenii interesati la ei pe site-uri, dar asta deja e alta poveste. Ia trageti o fuga pe acolo, si salivati si voi un pic.

In aproximativ acelasi domeniu gastronomic, de data asta pe partea de restaurante, tizul meu de la Iasi, Marius Sescu, impreuna cu Gabi au lansat zilele trecute optzile.ro. Site-ul este destinat recenziilor pentru locurile unde poti sa iti petreci timpul liber: Terase, pizzerii, restaurante etc. cu articole scrise de cititori, si cititoare, cu pareri de bine sau mai putin, organizate frumos pe orase, si baietii abia asteapta sa scrieti parerea voastra despre locurile prin care va invartiti, unde mancati, pe scurt, unde va petreceti timpul liber sau pauzele de masa. Eu am multe de zis despre locurile din Cluj, doar sa am un pic de timp liber.

optzile

unicphoto

Eli şi Edi, doi prieteni, împătimiţi de fotografie şi-au făcut un site unde postează cele mai reuşite fotografii făcute de ei. A se remarca că am scris fotografii şi nu poze, că poze pot să fac şi eu cu săpuniera mea, un Canon Powershot A70.

Băieţii se joaca cu un Canon EOS Rebel XTi şi un Nikon D60, diverse filtre, obiective, acumulatori trepiede cabluri, carduri şi alte cele, evident rezultatele fiind de excepţie. Mie unul îmi plac, şi cred că nu sunt singurul. De asemenea ei garantează si UNICITATEA SI ORIGINALITATEA FOTOGRAFIILOR.

http://www.UnicPhoto.ro

Inca una

Aseara am facut-o lata, si nu am reusit sa adorm nicicum… invartit de pe o parte pe alta, uitat la film, terminat filmul, invartit inca 2 ore, plictisit, etc etc etc… Rezultat: la 4:16 faceam comanda la NightBuyers, pe adresa de la birou, si la 4:30 eram la mirificul birou… Mi-am inceput tura la 7:00, acum e 15:20 si inca nu am plecat de aici. De unde dom’le insomniile astea?! chiar nu imi place sa dorm singur…

In alta ordine de idei, duminica am fost la nunta lui Ovidiu si a Simonei, sus la Restaurantul Stil in Faget, o nunta geniala, m-am revazut cu Alex si Vlad care au venit de a Bucuresti, Nicu, Florin si Imre de la Simeria, Dodo si Peara de la Temeshvar, si cu Sanda Nicola, care, by the way, a furat mirele… 😀

All in all, un weekend superb, o nunta minunata. Casa de piatra le doresc!

Si a treia ordine de idei, scriu aici, ca sa nu uit, trebuie sa ma apuc a fac bashing de filme si seriale pe care le-am vazut in ultima vreme. Daca uit, imi aduceti aminte da?!

Nah ma duc sa fac ceva cu viata mea si azi. (GRRRRRR! azinoapte am aflat ca lucrez sambata… *^!%#*%$! )

Spam your enemies

Later Edit: Considering the latest comments, which have nothing to do with my initial post, as I don’t spam, I just presented a “solution” to a problem, I decided to disable comments for this post.

Oh yeah baby! Fire away, make them wish they had a better spam filter, make them curse the hell out of Internet, e-mail and other things like that, make them squirm, make them select all delete, and then enjoy it…

But be careful, this might blow up in your face!

PS: As my colleague Alex BogdanF noted, you cannot send any “Penis Enlargement” mails… But if they’re your enemies, do you want their dicks to grow?!

Summer day, happy happy happy!

Sunday morning, I wake up at 8 AM after a busy Saturday, and the first thing I see, is a happy birthday message on IM. WTF? It’s not my birthday until December… Then I connect the dots, and I realize it’s the 1’st of June, Child’s day. In Romania, happy birthday stands for happy anniversary also, so “Happy Birthday” to all of you out there, make sure you don’t lose the kid in you. The piece of you that enjoys the sun, that enjoys a good time just sitting around with friends, the innocence of childhood. We all grow up, and become… “grown ups”, but marching through life with just that it just ain’t worthed.

Life provides tests almost at every corner, small tests, big tests, hidden tests and upfront tests. Take them as they come, one at a time, enjoy the test, as much as the result, otherwise, is like taking a gondola in Venice for he first time just to get to the other  side of the canal. Try to see the big picture, try to prioritize. Do you really need that? no, that’s not a good question, the question would be: out of 3 things, A, B and C, which one is the most important? You are doing all of them at the moment, but are you sure you are giving everything for each one of them? is it worth spending all your time on more tasks than you can fulfill, or on tasks that you can barely fulfill?

I have a programming background behind me, and I could have become a programmer. I also have a server administration background, and I became a server administrator. What made me choose that? It was a coffee break at a Microsoft conference a few years ago, when talking to one of the key speakers I asked him condescendingly: “Just now, at this conference, you’re a Microsoft evangelist, you work with Microsoft servers, but what operating system do you have on your gateway/firewall server?” It was a stupid question, and I was 80% sure of the answer, and I was right: he whispered : “Linux of course…” But I’m not trying to make a point here about the pro’s and con’s of operating systems, the ongoing flame war between Microsoft & Linux, I’m just saying that, that little stupid question, helped starting a conversation between the speaker and I, private conversation, in the lobby. He was a good speaker, a good salesman, and a brilliant tech so I enjoyed every moment, but before going back inside, he gave me something to think about. He asked me: “Do you want to be a mediocre programmer in an age filled with programmers? Or do you want to be a brilliant server administrator? Think about it, and try to choose what’s best for you…” At the moment, I’m not a brilliant server administrator, but I’m a good one, and I’m improving daily. Still, from time to time, I start working on different projects, which take me off my “path”. Let’s consider A: Server Administration, B: Social life (family, friends) and C: one of those other projects. In order to do A+B+C one needs to make sacrifices on each one, in order to fulfill them, which means, being average, being mediocre. Try to focus on what’s most important of the three, try to see the big picture. Combining two of them is the ideal situation, but we never live in an ideal situation.

In real life, we always have A, B, C, D, E, F, […], Z. Try to prioritize in order to grow efficiency in order to become a brilliant nurse, a briliant restaurant chef, a brilliant photographer or landscape architect. Make sure you don’t sacrifice too much of what you really want to do, want to become, want to have, in order to achieve something which will only matter for a few seconds after completion.

Today is a happy day, even if for me it marks 8 years since I’ve last seen and hugged my sister…

Nokia E50

Am tot lăudat în ultima vreme Nokia E50 în dreaptă şi în stânga, că e bun, şi mirific şi aşa mai departe.

Azi, sincer, nu m-aş mira ca al meu să plece într-un loc cu mai multă verdeaţă, dar în ultima jumătate de oră am reuşit să îl trântesc de chiuveta din baie de unde a sărit pe podeaua de beton, şi apoi l-am scăpat şi în bucătărie pe masă şi apoi a sărit singurel jos… nici măcar nu s-a blocat Symbianul pe el…

Nuah ăsta da telefon… 😉

Şi un banc “electoral” de la Rareş Popeia:

La Palatul Victoria se opreşte badea Gheorghe cu bicicletă şi o reazemă de gard şi începe să caşte ochii în jur.
Gardianul:
-Bade, ia bicicletă de-aici că vin miniştrii………….
-No, că nu-i băi, i-am pus lacăt!

Empathy

Comprehension of another one’s problems is bonded tightly with empathy. Each and everyone of us is the center of his/her own universe, and everything else revolves around that. It’s about choices, about desires, strength, but in the end, it’s reduced to empathy. Trying to help the ones around you is like the earth using the ocean’s tides to keep the moon just close enough from crashing… A jukebox is just a box if it’s missing it’s discs, but if it has them, it’s all lights and sound. Stuff that works, does not get noticed, broken stuff raises questions, like a traffic light, blinking for thousands of times every day, will be watched, acknowledged but it won’t be noticed until it breaks and causes a traffic jam.

Taking for granted the people we have around leads to confusing them with the background and missing them just after they dissapear. And many times they go away, because each and everyone one of us is the center of his/hers own universe, with their moon, with their jukebox with their traffic light…

– Why is this so difficult?
– What? they ask
– The only thing that matters… right now
everything else is cool…
helping others is cool…
seeing smiles is cool…
makes you happy that you helped…
seeing people happy makes you happy…
but just for a bit…
then you remember that one thing…
and keep the smile…
and look sad…
sad but smiling…
sad smile…
– what’s wrong?? they ask…
– nah, it’s ok…
just this thingie I can’t blurt out…
will work out…
eventually…

But who is going to help me smile?

[photo from bytelove.com ]

Bungee jumping

Azi pe la 10 dupa ce m-am trezit, Edi, unul din colegii de apartament ma intreaba daca nu mergem la o cafea cu Bogu, un alt prieten, venit in Cluj peste weekend. Cum sa nu! Mergem!

Initial planul era sa ajungem la Restaurantul Sinaia, in Grigorescu, dar era un pic inchis, asa ca am trecut un pod peste Somes si am ajuns in spatele parcului Babes, intr-o bomba de terasa, cu cafelele in fata. Am stat la povesti, am cunoscut niste oameni noi cu catei misto misto, am povestit de politica, istorie, algoritmi de criptare MILF’uri si alte porcarii, si in tot timpu asta ne uitam din cand in cand, cum pe platou la Sala Sporturilor se facea bungee jumping (cu coarda de data asta) pe ploaie.

Bogu le-a zis sinucigasi, in tandem cu batranii cu catei, Edi a zis ca nu are tupeu, si eu am plusat, si am zis ca daca imi face poze cand sar, o sa sar. Zis si facut, s-au ascuns norii, a iesit soarele, am luat-o spre Sala Sporturilor. Tachinari pe drum, alea alea, parca parca incepea sa imi bata inima mai repede. Ajunsi acolo, erau oameni care sareau, dar nu era nimeni la coada, asa ca inainte sa imi dau seama ce se intampla, am platit taxa si un nene imi punea hamul de saritura pe mine.

Ajuns langa cusca ridicata de o macara la 60m, inimioara mea era mai mai sa sara afara. Primul feeling pe care l-am avut cand a inceput sa urce era sa ma strang cat mai tare de balustrada, sa nu ma traga greutatea cablului jos. Abia in poze am vazut ca eram asigurat la spate pana am ajuns sus, unde, am stat cateva minute bune, si de la omul care facea misto de altii ca stau foarte mult sus, am ajuns omul care facea pe el. E impotriva oricarui impuls din creier sa iti dai drumul in gol. Chiar daca ai vazut alti 20 ca au sarit inaintea ta… tot te caci pe tine! M-am mai uitat la panorama odata, l-am rugat pe tipul care era sus cu mine sa ma impinga si a inceput sa rada “Nem! Nem! sorry, ai cant… ” si apoi momentul culminant: “WHAT THE FUCK!……. aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” [..] “iiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyyyhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” [..] “wooooooohhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooooooo” si alte asemenea strigate klingoniene au iesit din pieptul meu. Ajuns jos, plin la maxim de adrenalina, ma intrebau baietii “are iu okei?!?” nu am stiut ce sa le raspund decat: “I’m fuckin’ GREAT! This was SUPEERRRR!!!! I love you guys!!!” Au ras, si deja il legau pe urmatorul de picioare.

Pentru cei care ati incercat, cred ca stiti despre ce vorbesc, pentru cei care nu ati incercat, faceti cumva si incercati ca merita MAXIM cele cateva secunde de aproape imponderabilitate, feelingul de cadere in gol, si adrenalina din corp de dupa. Enjoy the pics, si astept intrebari 😀

Pozele au fost facute de Edi de la UnicPhoto, cu un Canon EOS Rebel XTi, si ditamai obiectivu’

Daca preferati un SlideShow cu pozele, sau albumul de pe flickr AICI.

IMG_4601 IMG_4603 IMG_4644 IMG_4670 IMG_4675 IMG_4676 IMG_4687 IMG_4692 IMG_4693 IMG_4696 IMG_4704 IMG_4705 IMG_4706 IMG_4714 IMG_4717

Reclame. Reclame bune!

Auzeam zilele trecute pe cineva vorbind despre reclamele romanesti, si cat de penibile pot sa fie comparativ cu cele din afara. Reclama de laromtelecom sau posta romana,(pe care inca nu am vazut-o, dar urmeaza sa dau un search) ar trebui a fie “brici” si ca arata evolutia postei romane, si prin cate a trecut bla bla (dar pana la sfarsitul spotului tot nu stii daca a ajuns scrisoarea sau nu). Drept urmare “Sigur nu a fost facuta la noi…

Apoi am citit la Cabral ca isi pune mainile in cap cand vede ce scot “conationalii nostrii creativi” comparativ cu cei de afara.

Stau si ma uit la dementul de Darius care face o gramada de chestii mai mult sau mai putin geniale, si oricat as vrea sa fiu rau cu el, sa ii raspund cu aceeasi moneda la stilul acru si acid cu care trateaza lumea, din cand in cand ma trezesc ca “ma inclin” in fata la ceea ce face, si evident ca nu ma sfiiesc sa i-o spun in fata. Si cand e bou, si cand scoate chestii GENIALE. Scris cu bold, caps lock, si fara miros de pupincurism ca nu am nimic de castigat.

Ideea e ca sunt convins ca sunt si altii ca el, care au creativitatea necesara, care pot sa faca altceva decat clasicele crapuri numite reclame. Si pentru asta, va recomand panorama romaneasca de la Noaptea Devoratorilor de Publicitate. Stati mai oameni buni, ca avem si noi chestiile noastre bune, avem si noi creativitate, doar ca numarul celor “slabe” e mult mai mare. Pe de alta parte, din afara cele mai multe care intra, sunt cele bune. Cele slabe nu o sa fie promovate foarte mult nici de clientii pentru care au fost facute nici de “mase” prin intermediul YouTube sau Google video sau stiu eu ce alt serviciu de genul.

In incheiere, va invit sa vedeti o scurta reclama la gmail, serviciu al carui utilizator sunt de muuuuulta vreme:

[via danberte]