Tech Support Pricing

Copied from Justin R. Erenkrantz / Tech Support Price Guide

Tech Support Pricing Structure

Regular (as it were) Prices for Technical Support/System Administration:

Calling me with a question $10
Calling me with a stupid question $20
Calling me with a stupid question you can’t quite articulate $30
Implying I’m incompetant because I can’t interpret your inarticulate problem description $1000+punitive damages
Questions received via phone without first trying help desk $10.00
Questions where answer is in TFM $10.00 +
Questions during Xpilot session $20.00
Calling me back with the same problem *after* I fix it once $100
Insisting that you’re not breaking the software, the problem is on my end somehow $200
Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem $5/step
Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem $50/mile+gas
If you interrupt me while I was reading news $25/hr
If you interrupt me while I was trying to count all the xroaches on my screen $35/hr
If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else’s problem $45/hr
If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now $50/hr
If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it $60/hr
If you’ve come to ask me why something isn’t working that I’m currently working on $70/hr
If you’re asking me to fix something I fixed for you yesterday $75/hr
If you’re asking me to fix something I told you I fixed yesterday, but never did fix $85/hr
If you’re asking me to fix a quick patch that I made that didn’t work $95/hr
If you’re bugging me while there’s another admin in the room who could have done it for you $150/hr
Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately after hanging up the phone $1500.00
Calling up with a problem which “everybody” in the office is having and which is “stopping all work.” Not being there when I rush over to look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it. $1700.00
Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it’s your personal machine at home $500.00
Self-diagnosing your problem and informing me what to do $150.00
Having me bail you out when you perform your own repairs I told you not to do $300.00
Not telling all of your co-workers about it $850.00
Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive $50.00
BEFORE I order your replacement hard drive $250.00
Fixing your “broken” mouse with a mousepad $25.00
Fixing your “broken” optical mouse by rotating the mousepad 90 degrees $35.00
Fixing a “broken” mouse by cleaning the rollers $50.00
Fixing your “broken” printer with an ink/toner cartridge $35.00
Fixing your “broken” ANYTHING with the power button $250.00
Fixing the “crashed” system by turning the external disk back on $200.00
Fixing the “hung” systemby plugging the ethernet transciver back in $375.00
Fixing the crashed nameserver by plugging back in the SCSI cord someone accidentially yanked out on Friday afternoon when the ‘real’ sysadmin has just left for a two week vacation $400
Visiting your old university and fixing the broken PC by plugging the monitor lead back in $50
Explaining that you can’t log in to some server because you don’t have an account there $10
Explaining that you don’t have an account on the machine you used to have an account on because you used it to try to break into the above server $500
Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger $25
Changing memory partitions without informing me first $50
Installing programs without informing me /getting permission first $100
Technical support for the above programs $150/hr
Spilling coke on keyboard $25 plus cost of keyboard
Spilling coke on monitor $50 plus cost of monitor
Spilling coke on CPU $200 plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly rate of $150 per hour spent reinstalling the system
Leaving files on desktop $5 per file, $10 per day the file is left unclaimed
Cleaning the mouse with spit and sleeve $50 plus cost of sleeve plus cost of therapy 🙂
Bringing in your own copy of the original Norton Utilities v1.0 to fix a brand new machine $200
Chewing on the end of the graphic tablet stylus $25
Putting feet up next to workstation after ten mile jog through NYC streets $50
Spending 30 minutes trying to figureout what your problem is, and another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say… “So that’s what the little box that popped up on my screen was telling me; to do!” $40
Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to see if you are plugged into the network jack, hearing yes, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, “Oops. Nevermind.” $35 (including discount for polite apology)
Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software $25
Dealing with “How can I get another copy of [obviously pirated software]? Mine just died.” requests $45
Having to use the “We’re really not the best people to talk to about that; why don’t you try calling the number on the box in which you bought it?” line $55
Actually needing to explain copyright law to you after you failed to get the hint in the previous response $95 (includes instructions for getting freeware replacements from the public file server)
Having to point out anything that’s on the wall in a typeface larger than 18 points $15
If I wrote the sign $45
If it’s in a 144 point font and taped to the side of the monitor facing the door $75
Reporting slow connection by passenger pigeon packets to MPEG archive in Outer Slobavia as a Mosaic/Netscape/Gopher/FTP client problem $25.00
Reporting it more than once $50.00
Reporting it more than once and implying slothfullness on tech support’s inability to solve problem $200.00

Beeper Prices:

Beeping me when I’m out with the significant other $50
Beeping me when I’m out of town and I took pains to insure that help files were left all over and that diagnostics had been run on all machines before I left $100
Beeping me more than once to tell me that the printer’s offline and the fix is to press the On Line button $200
Beeping me more than once while I’m asleep $50 per beep
Beeping me and not identifying yourself within the first 5 seconds – $25
Beeping me and then changing your story / denying you placed the call / hoped I would forget who caused the problem $500

Special Rates:

Dealing with user body odor $75.00/hour
Dealing with user not familiar with the primary language spoken at site $50.00/hour
Dealing with user who is (self-proclaimed) smarter than you are, but still calls every other day for help $100.00/hour
Dealing with computer hobbiests $125.00/hour

Questioning the other prices ……….. $50

azi a inceput bine…

Era sa ma calce o masina… Pe trotuar…

Mergeam frumos pe strada si eu ca tot omu cu muzica in urechi, si aud un claxon. Inlemnesc o clipa, imi dau seama ca sunt pe trotuar, am masini in dreapta deci nu vine nimic de pe strada spre mine si merg mai departe. In secunda doi, un alt claxon mai aproape, era mai mai sa cad in… si ma intorc, doar ca sa vad un logan cu un sofer sictirit care ma claxona, pe TROTUAR… *@&*^@%$*&@%

Still alive, still kicking!

I returned from the mountain, but I had a hectic week start, so I didn’t have much time to write about it. I will do it tomorrow, and I’ll add the pictures I promised.

A couple of weeks ago I received a song, I listened to it, but I didn’t “hear” it. Today it came back to me… loud and clear.

Archive – F U

Archive – F U

There’s a look on your face I would like to knock out
See the sin in your grin and the shape of your mouth
All I want is to see you in terrible pain
Though we won’t ever meet I remember your name

Can’t believe you were once just like anyone else
then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I think of a nice thing to say
But I don’t think I can so fuck you anyway

You`re a scum, you`re a scum and I hope that you know
That the cracks in your smile are beginning to show
Now the world needs to see that it’s time you should go
There’s no light in your eyes and your brain is too slow

Can’t believe you were once just like anyone else
then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a nice thing to say
But I don’t think I can so fuck you anyway

Bet you sleep like a child with your thumb in your mouth
I could creep up beside put a gun in your mouth
makes me sick when I hear all the shit that you say
so much crap coming out it must take you all day

There’s a space kept in hell with your name on the seat
With a spike in the chair just to make it complete
When you look at yourself do you see what I see
If you do why the fuck are you looking at me

There’s a time for us all and I think yours has been
Can you please hurry up cos I find you obscene
We can’t wait for the day that you’re never around
When that face isn’t here and you rot underground

Can’t believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to god I can think of a nice thing to say
But I don’t think I can so fuck you anyway

So fuck you anyway

Yahoo!’ul si parolele lui

Later Edit: well, dupa o discutie cu Simona, se pare ca individul nu este disperat dupa o relatie, nu este intr-o relatie cu ea, nu i-a furat parola, ci a abuzat un pic de messengerul deschis pe calculatorul ei in timp ce ea era in alta parte. Totul a fost doar o farsa din partea lui… Recunosc ca putea sa iasa mult mai bine…

Articolul original

Cât de prost trebuie să fii, să iei parola cuiva de Yahoo!, să te loghezi în contul de messenger al acelei persoane, şi apoi să începi să vorbeşti urât cu oamenii? e chiar trist aş putea spune…E şi mai trist, dacă se întâmplă să fie o persoană care e într-o relaţie cu persoana căruia i-a fost furată parola, sau care vrea o relaţie cu acea persoană… E trist să fii gelos pe nişte nume într-o fereastră de messenger, fără nici o vină de altfel.

Eh, azi, cum stăteam eu la birou şi îmi contemplăm traseele din weekend, mă trezesc cu o discuţie “elevată” pe Y!M, şi evident, dacă mi-a fost ridicată mingea la fileu, de ce să nu jucăm? Citiţi, şi cred că vă veţi distra şi voi, măcar un pic…

(09:26:19 PM) simonas****: ba tzaranoiule, sa nu/mi mai scrii niciodata, ok?
(09:26:53 PM) .marius: poftim?
(09:27:02 PM) simonas****: hai marsh
(09:27:25 PM) .marius: ultima data cand ti-am scris a fost la tiff
(09:27:38 PM) simonas****: pai da, da sa nu se mai repete
(09:27:43 PM) .marius: aha
(09:27:47 PM) .marius: mai tii minte ce ti-am spus?
(09:28:17 PM) .marius: cred ca e un pic cam dificil din 2 motive
(09:28:27 PM) .marius: 1. ultima data ti-am scris la tiff 2007
(09:28:35 PM) .marius: 2. nu cred ca esti simona
(09:28:41 PM) .marius: si acuma, marsh tu
(09:28:47 PM) .marius: o seara faina
(09:31:00 PM) simonas****: hai sictir
(09:37:02 PM) .marius: altfel?
(09:37:04 PM) .marius: bine sanatos?
(09:37:16 PM) simonas****: dispari tzaranoiule
(09:37:30 PM) .marius: 😀
(09:37:44 PM) .marius: spune-i simonei sa ma sune
(09:37:50 PM) .marius: sa imi zica in fata chestia asta
(09:41:59 PM) .marius: i-ai spus?
(09:42:02 PM) .marius: nu sunanimic
(09:42:03 PM) .marius: 🙂
(09:43:28 PM) simonas****: da stii de ce nu suna?
(09:43:39 PM) .marius: uhmmm
(09:43:43 PM) .marius: stai sa ma gandesc
(09:43:47 PM) .marius: ca nu i-ai spus?
(09:43:48 PM) .marius: 🙂
(09:43:53 PM) simonas****: nu dragule
(09:44:05 PM) simonas****: pentru ca esti extrem de idiot, de aia
(09:44:14 PM) .marius: asta e un raspuns foarte bun
(09:44:22 PM) .marius: si se si potriveste in context
(09:44:23 PM) .marius: :)21:45
(09:45:36 PM) simonas****: daca esti tare tradu/mi din engleya in romana textul urmator
(09:45:56 PM) simonas****: what can I do for you?
(09:47:25 PM) .marius: =))
(09:47:53 PM) .marius: you actually want to do something for me, or you’re that stupid that you cannot translate a simple basic question?
(09:48:00 PM) .marius: oh
(09:48:11 PM) .marius: maybe another one of the guys you messaged replied with that answer
(09:48:19 PM) .marius: that could prove difficult to understand
(09:48:25 PM) .marius: doesn’t it?
(09:49:21 PM) simonas****: e clar, esti cam varya la engleya si ai si o parere extraordionara despre tine
(09:49:28 PM) simonas****: tipic pt un idiot
(09:49:50 PM) .marius: vezi ca esti pe tastatura in romana
(09:50:01 PM) .marius: s-au schimbat Z-ul si Y-ul intre ele
(09:50:02 PM) .marius: :))
(09:50:40 PM) simonas****: asta nu e atit de grav ca faptul de a crede ca stii egleza cind de fapt esti varza cu ciolan
(09:51:15 PM) simonas****: .marius: maybe another one of the guys you messaged replied with that answer
(09:51:26 PM) simonas****: .marius: that could prove difficult to understand
(09:51:34 PM) .marius: asa
(09:51:39 PM) .marius: ai invatat sa dai copy paste
(09:51:40 PM) .marius: 🙂
(09:51:49 PM) simonas****: esti bou, ce sa mai, gata
(09:51:53 PM) simonas****: over and out
(09:52:03 PM) .marius: deci sa nu uiti sa ii spui simonei sa ma sune
(09:52:04 PM) .marius: 😉
(09:57:45 PM) .marius: sau o sun eu?

Nu cred ca e cazul sa va spun ca respectiva persoana nu a mai zis nimic…

Da-i Ilie ca nu dai in m*-*a!

Am fost udat maxim azi. GROWL!!

Pe la unu jumate am simtit ca vine ploaia, (stiti voi, nori negri, vant puternic, alea alea…) m-am pregatit rapid sa ajung la job, imi incepeam tura pe la trei, si am zis ca ar fi o idee sa nu ma faca fleasca. Evident ca in momentul in care am bagat cheile in usa la plecare a inceput sa ploua… evident ca pana la taxi m-a facut varza, si apoi EVIDENT a inceput distractia: ploaie cu grindina, bucati de gheata cat niste bile de biliard (si din nou evident exagerez aici, dar erau mari), masini trase pe dreapta cu avariile pornite si un taximetrist nebun care incerca sa evite tampitii care nu erau opriti si circulau cu farurile stinse. Am ajuns intr-un final la birou, si cand am ajuns sus, evident s-a oprit ploaia. Someone up there didn’t like me today… 🙁

Ilie, e nenea ala cu sf. in fata, evident nu de la Science Fiction, care se spune ca ar da cu traznetele de sus. Si i-a dat azi, sa aiba!

Nu am mai scris in ultima vreme pe aici, nu ca nu as fi avut despre ce scrie, dar perioada a fost destul de incurcata. (nu, nu am vrut sa scriu incarcata…)

Stateam la un moment dat si ma intrebam unde e linia dintre ce e prea personal pentru a fi scris pe blog, si ce se poate scrie pe blog fara sa puna in situatii delicate pe nimeni, me included.

In alta ordine de idei, zbor weekendu asta pe munte un pic. A little bit of mind cleaning required. Ah, beware, poate scriu azi pe blog din nou! sau doar saptamana viitoare…Thinking about it.


Voi ce faceti weekendul asta?

Unde e bricheta?

Anul trecut după vizită în Olanda, m-am făcut şi cu o pereche de pantaloni scurţi fancy trendy mişto, simpatici drăguţi, care îmi plac la nebunie, de brand că tot se poartă şi mie tot mi se rupe (de brand bineînţeles), deci într-un cuvânt mişto. Că tot omu care se respectă, am şi eu un telefon, un portmoneu, un pachet de ţigări, o brichetă, nişte chei şi aşa mai departe, chestiute care le cam port după mine când ies din peşteră şi mă plimb pi’ şhientru. Ce mai mare supărare, era că nu aveam nici un pic de buzunar, şi cum nu sunt obişnuit să port un murse (Man pURSE), îndesam tot ce prindeam în rucsacul lui Carmen 2, laptopul meu, şi era nasol să îmi scot ba telefonul ba ţigările, ba cheile.

Ieri am descoperit însă că pantalonii cei şmecheri au una bucată buzunar, chiar pe cusătură brâului, buzunar orizontal, cu arici, închis bine bine să nu îl vadă nimeni, micuţ cât să ţină o brichetă. Evident, am băgat bricheta acolo, şi dup’aia nu am mai găsit-o 2 ore… Tot ceream foc în dreaptă şi în stânga. V-am mai zis eu că nu îs întreg cu capu’.

În altă ordine de idei, am fost aseară în Irish Music Pub, a fost concert Şuie Paparude, şi a fost mişto. Am nişte amintiri foarte mişto cu Şuie de pe la Buşteni, şi asta a sporit interesul. Nu am mai fost demult la un concert indoors, aşa că m-am bucurat de fiecare moment de stat în căldură înnabusitoare, fum de ţigară, şi oameni care aproape urlau mai tare că boxele. A fost genial.  Mersi Cico!

Weekendul vostru cum a început?

Azi mă duc să îl ajut pe Cătălin să se mute din apartament, la casă. O sa fie o zi mişto 😉